I got off on the eighth floor and headed for Miss Myer’s apartment. I stopped in front of her door and put on a blank face. I wanted to be ready for whatever game it was going to be today. I politely knocked twice, then a pause, then three more times. The TV was blaring from the other side of the door and I was worried that she didn’t here me. I was just about to start it out again when the door opened a crack and the noise from the TV escaped. I love The Jefferson’s as much as the next guy, but “Weezy! ” at one hundred twenty decibels is a bit more than a man should have to take.
I thought I saw Miss Myer before the door slammed closed. I scrambled to put my earplugs in before the door opened again. This time when it did George Jefferson was down to the level of a jet engine. Miss Myer waved me in and I happily obliged.
To say that Miss Myer was nondescript was quite the understatement. Other than her age you would be hard pressed to pick her out of a crowd, or even a portrait. My dad liked them that way these days. She yelled at me over the blaring TV. “I was worried you wouldn’t come in time.”
Not come in time? “What’s wrong? Where…”
Miss Myer cut me off before I could get any farther. “I think the bug is in the bedroom. It’s right through that door over there.” She pointed towards the kitchen, away from her bedroom. Like I said, you needed to play the game.
“I’ll get right on it. Let me see what I can do.” I make a beeline to the kitchen and look at the two windows. Which one did I think was the correct one today. I look back at the living room, but Miss Myer had gone back to watching TV. She wasn’t going to be any help. The problem is if I get this wrong I won’t be able to see the old man until he called me again. Normally I am okay with that, but I had already come this far I didn’t want to have to come back.
A few seconds later I thought about what my dad had actually said in his message. He wanted help mowing the lawn. I looked at the two windows and realized only one pointed at anything resembling a lawn. The other was on the side of the parking lot for hell. That’s right, hell has parking. How else did you think you got there? The hand baskets are booked for the next thirty years or so, causing the line from hell. Hell, what do you think purgatory really is. Oh it goes to the other place too, but for some reason these days that line is much shorter. I have this on good authority by my Aunt Connie. I mean family never lies to you, do they?
I opened the window I selected and sure enough there was a sling right outside the window. You needed to be brave when visiting my old man. That and not be afraid of heights. I just hoped that dad had this one secured better than last time. Mrs. Smithfield almost had to have another pacemaker installed after that one. I tied myself as best I could, said a prayer to anyone who was listening on the airwaves and let myself out the window.
I realized this might not have been the best idea after the first few minutes of dangling in space. At least it seemed that way as I waited for my dad to beam me up. I thought about trying to swing back into the window when I finally felt the harness jerk me upward. The sounds of gears trying their darndest to bring me to the roof before they returned to the metal dust they had been forged from was not music to my ears, but trust builds character.
When my head cleared the roof line I saw my dad at the controls of the small motor powering his winch. He waved at me. That would have been nice, but when he let go of the lever to do so it allowed the motor to turn off, and as it became obvious to me, the safety was not engaged. I plunged back down below the roofline at a very alarming rate. Of course the only alarm was me screaming like a little girl on the homemade version of the tower of terror ride, except there were no Tinkerbell going to sprinkle pixie dust on me and make me fly. Luckily my dad must have kicked the winch back on. I now have empathy for what a marlin must feel like when hooked. Unlike the marlin I was very happy to be made catch of the day.