Wanted: Lost soul

Went missing twelve years ago.  Last seen at Alfonzo’s, a small Italian restaurant on the south side of Detroit.  A man there named Ronaldo with the most amazing blue eyes memorized me and convinced me that he was the one.  I didn’t realize I had given him my soul until he took it with him as he left.  While it has made life easier being soulless in the modern world, I wish now to have my soul back.  I mean, I do live in Detroit.  If you don’t have soul in Detroit…

Two weeks later

Reply: Lost Soul

I apologize for taking your soul, but I was left with little choice.  Our souls have been searching for each other for centuries, and finding you there was a dream come true.  The problem is that your current body was just not my type, so I took your soul and we have been happy for the past ten years.  My problem is that the past two years have been difficult since I have met a new woman who does not love the idea of a threesome.  Of course since I took your soul without asking, I didn’t think it was right to kick it to the curb.  Give me your address and I will send your soul back to you.

Two weeks later

Reply: Lost Soul

I read your reply and it wouldn’t be fair to separate those souls again.  Why don’t you send me both of the souls since you obviously would prefer to be soulless and in a physical relationship than be in the beautiful  harmony of two souls finally finding each other after cascading through space and time looking for centuries.  Send them to me here: XXXXXX

Two weeks later

Reply: Lost Soul

I hope you received the souls safely.  I felt so free when I sent them to you, but now I regret my decision.  My lady friend does not like the new soulless me and has left me for another old soul.  Do you like your new arrangement, or would you like to send them back?  I’m just curious.

Two months later

Reply: Lost Soul

Ever since I have not one soul, but two, I have not been the business woman I once was.  As a matter of fact I am now almost homeless, but the love I feel makes it all worth while.  While I will not give back the souls, would you have a room I can live in temporarily until I can get back on my feet?

Two days later

Reply: Lost Soul

Depends, what do you look like now days?

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