“So I shouldn’t contribute by telling them about my latest bowel movement?”
“How should I parcel out this… No!”
“And why not. They showed interest by asking. I was being honest.”
“Really people don’t care about your experience when they ask that. They are just being polite”
“Evidently so, but I refuse to capitulate to your norms. I was brought up to…”
“Never will this moment be here again.”
“Okay, but that means I will always miss it, doesn’t it?”
“Well you did just now…”
“So I heard you are looking for a thing.”
“Everyone is looking for a thing. Can you be more specific?”
“Listen, if I tell you more the price is going to quadruple. So what do you say?”
“Let me think about it.”
“Last thing I plan on doing is dying”
“I guess it’s a a way to live your life, but it’s sort of weird though.”
“Nah. Everyone should live that way. Now that you know my master plan, what is yours?”
“Everything I can do to help you achieve your end goal.”
“More sun, more ants., more fire More sun, more ants, more fire!”
“And you say you don’t have anger issues?”
“Give me a break. At least I’m not trying to fry you.”
“Nope, just innocent creatures going on their merry way”
“If it makes you feel any better, these are the ones that ruined your picnic”
“For real? How do you know?”
‘You look up close. They’re still suffering from the epic heartburn”
There are times when a boy and a girl love each other.
Hey Dad, you don’t need to go there.
Every dad has to. It’s an oath we give at the hospital before taking you home.
They were lying to you, Dad. I’m all set.
And how would you know you are all set?
Look, do you want me to tell you what I know?
Kill me now!
“Exactly what do you want for dinner?”
“Anything that is edible.”
“That means you don’t want me to cook.”
“Focus on the cornucopia of sweetness in front of you”
“Really dude? It’s like oranges, bananas, and like coconuts.”
“Unless you learn to see the totality of sweet vitamins and minerals you will be lost in carbs”
“Isn’t that stuff loaded with carbs? Like, that’s why it’s sweet, dude.”
“That may be true. Can I interest you in a zucchini?”
“Stay far away from me with that thing. You might poke an eye out.”
“Where be the trees? I cannot see them because of this forest!”
“Oy vey! I should have known you would branch down that path.”
“Okay, I see your timber, but don’t worry. I’m not going to leaf you there.”
“Don’t go farther. My bark is worst than my bite and I am getting pretty hungry.”
“So I shouldn’t tell you about how thicket’s getting around here?”
Maybe tonight I’ll just order one of everything.
Everything? You haven’t even looked at what’s being served tonight.
Not going to worry. I trust the chef implicitly .
Uncle Maximilian, you’re the best!