Love came down as a baby
Igniting a beacon in the night
Giving hope to those in the darkness
Hope to those that had lost it
That all could find their way back home
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The simple sound of a baby crying pierced the night, causing Bob to bleed from his stubbed toe as he became the first responder. The little bundle of joy was empty of joy, and thus the alarm was going off, but Bob couldn’t find the off switch, even after changing the wet encasing. He tried moving it around to activate the snooze, but that didn’t work either. Soon he decided that the alarm was a low energy notice. He plugged the baby into the recharging device and watched the fluid level on the device drain to zero. The recharge worked, as the baby went back into low power sleep mode. Bob thought about putting the baby where it belonged but worried that the jostling alarm had been reset, and he was worried about setting it off. Instead, he closed his eyes and snuggled the sleeping baby close to his heart.
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After the Max’s trial, Cindy felt vindicated
Finally life could get back to normal
That normal of course would include a baby
Everything up till this moment had been focused on getting back at Max
Reality of what was next was now settling in
Motherhood with the father locked out of their life
Alyssa had volunteered to help, something about how Cindy had saved her
That had confused Cindy, but she was thankful for the company
Her baby kicked her, reminding Cindy that it was time for life to go on
Being there when you came into this world
I remember thinking how tiny you were
Red and screaming about being rudely ripped from your motherly home
The planet has come full circle around our star
Here I am encircled around your little finger
Day after day I watch your amazing metamorphosis
As you grow up so very fast
Yet you will always be my baby girl
Mark looked at his ideas document and wondered again why he had such a bounty of ideas and so little written. Then he heard Linda’s cry through the baby monitor and he remembered. As the crying grew louder and more insistent, Mark closed the document. Nothing was going to get done tonight, but then again nothing had been done for like two weeks now. Still he pushed away from his desk and headed upstairs. While the worlds in his imagination would wait for him, Linda wasn’t. Besides, Mark had read lack of sleep helped with creativity. He was going to be so creative for the next couple of years, it might kill him.
John shimmied on the chaise to get comfortable. “My father had had a heart attack. He was at St. Bonaventure, so I decided to visit him,” he said.
“Okay, so what does this have to do with babies?” asked Sarah.
“Well, I’m getting there Doc. You’ve got to understand. I hate hospitals,” John said.
“It is perfectly normal to feel that way, John. It is a very common emotion,” Sarah said. “A lot of people don’t like to be reminded that they are one step away from a life changing illness or accident.”
“That’s not exactly my problem Doc. Let me finish my story,” he said.
“Go right on ahead,” Sarah said. “Tell me your story.”
John entered the hospital with trepidation, carrying a small flowering plant of some kind and a bright yellow metallic helium balloon reading “Get Well Soon”. The security guard at the entrance smiled and waved. John waved back, but focused his attention down the hallway toward the elevators. He was about to make a sprint walk for them when a young man grabbed his arm.
“Doctor, you’ve got to help me,” the young man said. “My wife is in labor.”
John looked to the security guard for help. The guard was already picking up the phone and dialing. John felt a bit relieved that help was on the way. He turned to the young man and said, “You’ve got the wrong guy. I’m sure someone-“
The young man interrupted John. “I know you’re not her doctor, but she needs someone now.”
The guard put down the phone and gave John a thumbs up. “I called maternity and told them you were on the way with the mom to be. I’ll go grab the wheelchair.”
John let go of the balloon and watched it drift to the ceiling. He handed the plant to the young man. “Let’s go get your wife,” John said.
Sarah stopped writing and looked at John incredulously. “Okay, wait. So you impersonated a doctor? Do you realize how much trouble you could get into?” asked Sarah.
John rolled onto his side so he could look at her. “Well I figured that unless I did something the poor woman was going to have the baby in the car because no one else was coming,” he said.
“Carmine, don’t you think you’re pushing the truth just a little here?” asked Sarah.
“I’m John,” he said.
“Sorry. I don’t know why I keep making that mistake,” Sarah said.
John laid back onto the chaise. “That’s why I’m here,” he said in a soft voice. “That’s why I’m telling you this story.”
“Okay. Let’s see where this goes. Please continue,” Sarah said.
John, the young man, and the security guard rushed out of the hospital and into the cool night. A young and very pregnant woman was sitting in a Honda Civic with the passenger door open. Her eyes were clenched shut and her breathing was rapid and shallow. John and the young man danced around each other like two of the Marx brothers, trying to figure out how to help the pregnant woman get out of the car. Finally her contraction passed, and she was able to lever herself out of the vehicle without either man’s help. The security guard held the wheelchair steady as John and the young man were able to maneuver the pregnant woman into it. She managed to sit before the next contraction hit.
John had watched enough television to know that having contractions that close to each other meant the baby has almost there. He patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry. Woman have been doing this since the beginning of time. I’m sure this will be simple.”
“We’re having twins,” replied the young man.
John felt like he had got slapped across the face. When he came to he looked to the security guard. “You heard the man,” John said. “She’s about to have twins. Let’s go!”
The security guard took off at a fast walk. John looked like he was about to run the opposite direction, but then he caught sight of the young man looking at him with desperation, so he followed the guard inside. The guard swiped his badge at the elevator and the lift came immediately. The four of them piled into the elevator and the guard hit the button for the eighth floor. As the elevator ascended, an awkward silence descended on the three men. The pregnant woman didn’t care as she dealt with her contraction.
Finally the doors opened and two nurses hurried to rescue the pregnant woman from the three men. The young man slapped John on the back and headed after his wife who was being pushed by one of the nurses. The second nurse looked back at John. “Well are you coming Doctor Crane?” she asked.
John looked at the security guard, but the security guard just gave him a thumbs up. John shook his head and walked off the elevator. “She’s having twins,” John said.
The nurse fell in beside John, following the retreating wheel chair. “Then I guess we’re playing a double header tonight,” the nurse said.
John paused mid step, then laughed. “That’s a good one,” he said.
“Are you okay Doctor Crane?” asked the nurse.
John nodded. “Let’s go play ball,” he said.
Sarah stopped him there. “So you are telling me you delivered twins?” she asked.
“Well, it was twins, so they called in another doctor to assist me,” John said.
“Assist?” Sarah asked as she kept writing.
John tried to ignore the question, but when Sarah refused to say more for a minute, John filled in the silence. “Okay, so she did the actual delivery, but the babies were so cute.”
John held a baby in each arm. The proud mother and father beamed with happiness. John smiled down at the little ones. “They’re perfect,” he said to the new parents. Just then both babies began to cry and looked like they were looking for John’s nipples. “Oh no, not again,” he said. He quickly gave the babies back to their mother. “You feed them.”
Sarah shook her head in disbelief, but continued to write. John laughs. “That ended much better than before,” he said.
“Did you ever get to visit your father?” Sarah asked.
That stopped John from laughing. “I did. I even got to deliver my plant. The balloon stayed in the lobby though,” John said.
“Do you regret that decision?” asked Sarah.
John paused in thought. “I was close to my dad,” John said. “He was always there for me.”
“What does that have to do with the balloon?” asked Sarah.
“That is a good question,” said John.
Time was not on Bruce’s side. The bomb could go off any minute. He tried to go over his training. Keep it simple. Use your checklist. Don’t panic. The bomb is able to sense your panic.
Bruce blanked on the checklist. He knew it just moments ago. How much time did he have left? Was he starting to panic? Maybe he could move it to a new location. Bruce nervously picked up the bomb.
Warning sirens sprang up. Come on, think. That’s when it hit him, change the diaper, feed, then burp. Too bad the baby had exploded into screaming.
Lifting her voice to near jet engine levels, my five month daughter lets me know with subtle nuance that she is currently unhappy. To my fatigued brain I begin down my checklist. Is it time for my wife to stick a breast in my daughter’s mouth? While that would shut me up, my daughter only cares about when she is hungry, and she ate just an hour ago. Let’s see if we can distract her with a toy. Nope, that jet engine now has nothing on her. Maybe it’s a wet diaper. Off to change her. Nope it’s dry. What is next on the list? My daughter shoves her pacifier in her mouth and the world begins to right itself on its axis. Oops, that was just a temporary reprieve as the aural attack commences. I roll my saving throw and fail, receiving 4d8 mental damage. I walk around the house and share her boisterous malcontent with the neighbors in attempt to earn sympathy points for why my lawn isn’t mowed yet. As she reaches for yet another gear I try to remember the next item on the list? Maybe she has gas. I try to burp her while simultaneously giving her gas drops. While the gas drops are a hit, the sound of my eardrum trying to cleave itself in two emanates from my daughter once again. What can I do? This screaming is turning what little brain I have left into a liquid mass threatening to pour through that split eardrum. Suddenly a sonic boom burp tears through the air and the world is at peace. I breathe a sigh of relief as I look into her angelic face. She is such a perfect little baby. At least until I try to put her down…
I am the father of five daughters, four of which are under the age of eight. I have learned many lessons from each and every one of my children. Now I realize not everyone has been blessed as I am with a multitude of children, so I have decided to record a top five list of lessons learned so those of you looking to have children can be prepared, and those of you that have children can laugh and nod your heads.
Lesson #1: Nothing will strike fear in your heart than when you see your baby concentrate then the fountain erupts. I purposely left this more to imagination, because it can rain and pour out of every orifice, sometimes all at once. It escalates when done in public, especially when you have forgotten the quintessential backup outfit. Or even better, it happens when you have already called in the relief outfit. How do you protect the car seat? What about the stroller? Do you have enough baby wipes to handle it all? I promise you, it can wake you up from a dead sleep dripping in sweat when you have that nightmare. Oh, and you will have that nightmare.
Lesson #2: You will hear that one child is hard, two children even harder, but three is easier, and four is even easier, unless there are multiples. Okay, this is mostly true, but there will be days where this rule is a BIG FAT LIE. There are times when all four explode at once, and with only two adults possible in the mix there is no way to deal with all the fires at once. You might have to put one in a room and let them scream while dealing with another, while allowing the third to just go outside, and have the fourth getting a snack to keep them quiet. And if that works, you are a ROCK STAR. Most of the time you will be found in a fetal position waiting for the crying/yelling/craziness to stop. Like I said, this will not happen often, but be prepared for when it does and try to have a plan in case, like a favorite video or ice cream. It will not make you less a parent, and it will help with your coping skills.
Lesson #3: Each child is a wonderful, complex, maddening puzzle. The best part of all of this, they will know how to game you, get away with things, before you figure out how to game them, get them to do what you want them to do. In the beginning you are the master of your domain. They cannot lie well. They are eager to please you. They listen to what you say. Then on day two they unlearn all of that. Oh and now they have figured out your buttons, all of them. I try to get my six year old not to hit her sister. I have tried showing her proper ways to handle her anger. I have talked about her triggers. I have gotten her to self-identify what is causing her to get angry. I have tried swatting. Now I have a girl how when she hurts her sister has a story to tell, most of the time the truth, and tells me what triggers it and what she should have done to stop it. Notice I did not once say she didn’t hurt her sister. She is just better at knowing the why, the how, and what should be done next time. Like I said, she knows all my buttons.
Lesson #4: Adding a baby to the fix is giving permission to your other children to treat her as 1) a puppy, 2) a doll, and 3) a mostly deaf and mostly blind person moving into your house. The amount of time patting her on the head, moving her arms every which way, and singing which sounds like screaming at her while pushing toys and any other object within arm’s reach into her face amazes me. I feel sorry for the little one as she must be overstimulated by the cacophony. The good thing is the baby has a great self-defense mechanism, the shriek. This will cause the other children to run off looking for a bomb shelter since the London blitz must have been resurrected in my house. This gets the added bonus of a parent flying in for a rescue of the infant, much to the detriment of getting things like laundry or food preparation done.
Lesson #5: This one is specific to my circumstance of having girls. I didn’t think of the notion that ‘unless you see it yourself it cannot really exist’ was so important in my girls’ lives. I have to accept things sight unseen with respect to my job as a physicist, but that does not come naturally to my girls. I could talk about the why question, but I have a different concern here. I always tell my daughters that they can do whatever they want, except easily peeing standing up and probably playing linebacker in the NFL. They always agreed with me and seemed to accept this at face value. Then one night, while watching TV we saw a woman in a profession. I wish I had written this down sooner to remember exactly what it was. It really isn’t too important, but what my oldest said next saddened me a bit and made me understand a bit more being a privileged white male in society. She turned to me and said, “Daddy, girls can be X?” I told her yes, of course and I reiterated my quote about peeing and linebackers. She nodded, but I could see that seeing it on TV allowed that one possibility to be more real than just dad’s platitudes. It made me more aware of what having role models in the world’s workplaces really means.
Do you have more wisdom to share? Leave me a blurb in the comments. Together we can help the next generation of parents, or at least maybe curb population growth.
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