Lunch (an acrostic poem)

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Looking at her plate, she wondered how she had gotten here

Under the fluorescent yellow liquid cheese, a treasure trove of textures and flavors existed

Now her stomach rumbled in anticipation of the excavation ahead

Crunching a loaded tortilla chip, her tastebuds danced to the symphony of tastes

Hefting her beer and taking a swig, she smiled loving her little bit of heaven

Silly (an acrostic poem)

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So a neutron goes into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?”  The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”

If your boss tells you to have a nice day, does that mean you can go home?

Looking for a bitter and sweet drink?  Try some Reali-tea.

Listen, singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it becomes a soap opera.

You know what, I was going to tell you a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.

Sense (an acrostic poem)

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She smelled easy money in the air

Everyone was all beer, pizza, and Buffalo winged out.

Now she felt it was time for her to execute her plan while they were in the drunken gluttony afterglow

So fellas, listen up. What do you say we have a little side wager on the game?

Everyone agreed. Two hours later she was seen five hundred dollars richer

Vessel (an acrostic poem)

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Image by my 14 year old daughter

Vehicle for fluids is raised for another toast

Enables waking dreams as you stumble being possessed

Sometimes you can host a multitude of different spirits simultaneously

Such as wine, beer, and hard liquors

Enough visitors that you reach your max occupancy limit, and you’re forced outside your body

Leaving you empty and full of yourself at the same time

Dive (an acrostic poem)

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Dirt on the floor intermingled with peanut shells and spilled stale beer

It gave this old run-down bar a certain je ne sais quoi

Vacuuming up those plummeting through the floor of their lives

Enabling them a place to splash down while mumbling “Bottom’s up.”

Rest (an acrostic poem)

 

Relaxing with her beer, she smiled at her day

Everything had gone wrong with the day

Still, her family was healthy, and they all had food in their tummies

That, and a good night’s sleep, was all they needed to make tomorrow better

 

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I Was Okay With That (a 300 word story)

I was sitting on the couch the other night with my ex-girlfriend.  She had come over for a couple of beers and the football game.  I was hoping for more, but nope.  She just wanted my cable and beer.  The strange thing was I was okay with that.

“So just admit that you miss me,” I said.  Okay.  Maybe, just maybe,  I wasn’t entirely okay with that.

“I miss hanging out with you,” she said.  “That’s what tumbled into a relationship, remember?”

I chuckled.  “You said tumbled.”

“Of course I did,” she said before taking another swig of her beer.  “I was a journalism major.  I pick my words carefully.”

That made me feel a bit uncomfortable.  “So you broke up with me because of the sex?”

“The sex was pretty good.”  I began to beam, but then almost lost my beer when she smacked me with a pillow.  “I said pretty good, not the best.”

Now I put on a pouty face.  “You didn’t complain at the time.”

“I told you, the sex was good.”

“Then why did you break up with me?” I asked.

“Because after a while you acted like you were God’s gift to women.”

I was kind of scared to touch that one with a ten-foot pole, but I couldn’t let it slide.  That wouldn’t be me.  I decided to play it cute.  “But what if I am?”

“I want a gift receipt so I can exchange you for a nice pair of super fuzzy socks.”

I clutched my beer to my mortally wounded heart.  “Ouch!”

She laughed and turned back to the game.  I saw the woman I had fallen for, but I knew that she was happier now that we had broken up.  The strange thing was I was okay with that.

 

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It’s Just Beer (a 200 word story)

He picked up his beer bottle and cried.   Today had been such a rollercoaster.  He closed his eyes and relived their last conversation.


“I can’t believe you bought that,” she said.

He cradled his prize like a baby.  “Why not?” he asked.

“Just put that beer back or I’m going to leave you.”

“But it’s not just a beer.”

“What is it then?”

“Look, it’s in a copper bottle.  See?”  He slightly shook it in front of her face.

“You really want to do this again after the last time?”

“You’re the one wanting to do it again.  I am just getting my beer.”

“I can’t handle this.  It’s become a ridiculous habit.  Look, it’s either the beer or me.”

“Really?”

She placed her balled fists on her hips and cocked her head to the side.  “Do I look like I’m joking?”


He looked at the empty bottle of Sam Adam’s Utopia.  She had left him, but now so did the beer.  Life just wasn’t fair.  He wondered if he could get her back.  He opened his wallet to see if he had the $150 to buy another bottle.  Nothing was there.

“Damn!  Guess I’m back to Pabst Blue Ribbon.”

 

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