Relationships Decoded

After his seventh bowl of Captain Crunch, Dave looked up with his milk filled beard, “What do you think, Honey?” he asked.  He put on his craziest expression.  “I’m a cereal killer.”

“That’s surreal!” exclaimed Honey.  “More like a werewolf looking for his Milkbone.”  She tossed Dave a towel.  “Or maybe a fulfilled lap dog.”  She imitated a dog drinking water.

“Funny girl,” he garbled as he wiped his face clean, “but that skill might someday translate into some money.”

Honey crossed her arms.  “Really, and how are you going to do that?  Suing the Captain for his treasure chest and secret decoder ring?”

Dave threw the towel into her face.  “Competitive eating,” he said.  “They can make some nice coin I heard.”

Honey threw the towel back at Dave, which he moved to block, but missed it entirely.  It landed with great fanfare on top of his head.  “As long as you don’t have to catch the food, maybe you have a chance,” she said.

Dave removed the towel from his head.  “Thanks for the vote of confidence,” he said.  He looked at the cereal box sitting next to him.  “Now can I fit in one more bowl?”

“You know I know you really just want the decoder ring,” Honey said.

“Well, maybe,” Dave said reaching for the box.

Before he snagged it, Honey grabbed it and walked away from the table.  “Too slow,” she said as she disappeared down the hallway.

Dave reached into his pocket and removed the ruby red ring with the obligatory blue dial as its precious stone.  “Nope,” he said as he rubbed slowly his distended belly, “too full.”

Junk (an acrostic poem)

Just as Ferris was about to throw his Captain Crunch decoder ring away

Uncle Mike swooped in and saved it from a million year sentence at the local dump

Now Mike could add it to his vast and comprehensive collection of cereal mementoes

Killing any chance at that second marriage Mike always wanted