Karma Conversation (a 200 word dialog)

“She’s the girl of my dreams.”

“You must be daft!  This is the girl who threw away your baseball card collection.”

“Yeah, she did do that.”

“And she was the one who made you get rid of your dog because she didn’t want the fur on her white carpet.”

“True.  She did do that.”

“She had to buy her Corvette which is why you that P.O.S. out in the parking lot.”

“P.O.S.?”

“Piece of”

“Ah, got it.  Yeah.  She does love that car.”

“And she stabbed you in the back by sleeping with your boss.  How can she be the girl of your dreams?”

“Oh, I meant nightmares.”

“Now that I can understand.  So tell me, why are you still with her?”

“I may have found the worst possible relationship, but that makes everything else seem so much better.  I can look at dropping out of college, working this crappy job, and realizing I’m not going to accomplish any of my childhood dreams and feel some sort of contentment.  It’s like I’m telling karma to go fuck off because I got this, so just hold my beer.”

“So let me see if I understand.  The sex is that good?”

“Yes.”

 

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A Special Mother’s Day

Jimmy beamed as he handed an envelope to Lauren.  “Happy Mother’s Day, Mommy.”

Lauren gave Jimmy a curt smile.  She opened the envelope and liberated the card from inside.  It prominently displayed a brown rabbit with a folded ear exclaiming “Happy Easter!”.  Well, the Easter had a line through it and Mother’s Day was written in a messy, but recognizable, small scrawl that approximated printing.

“Wow, dear,” she said absentmindedly as she opened the card.  There, in perfect cursive, was ‘To my beloved son, Jimmy!  Love you!’

“You shouldn’t have,” Lauren said in a tone that emphasized he really shouldn’t have.

That bit of sarcasm didn’t seem to phase him.  “Well, I wanted to show how much I love you,” Jimmy said, that inane smile of his plastered on his face.

Lauren sighed inwardly.  He really thought he was getting away with this one.  She couldn’t keep herself from commenting.

“This is the Easter card I gave you honey,” Lauren said.

He pointed excitedly at her handwriting.  “I know.  That’s why it’s so perfect.  You always told me to use, reuse, and recycle.”  That grin got even larger.  It threatened to swallow up his ears.

Lauren shook her head in disbelief, but she couldn’t keep a wistful smile from her own lips.  “Yes, I did tell you that.”

She went to put the card into the recycling, taking her own advice, when he reached out.  “Wait, Mommy!  Can I have it back?”

She stopped mid-pitch with an uneasy feeling in her stomach.  “Why do you want it back?” she asked.

“Well, I figured I could give it again.”

“But I already saw it, dear.”

“But not Suzy’s mom.”

That made Lauren do a double take.  “You want to give it to your wife’s mom?”

“Sure.  She will love it.”

Lauren smiled a true smile and handed him the card.  Yes, Suzy’s mom would love it, and understand totally what had happened.  Suzy and Jimmy were two peas in a pod.  “Yes, Jimmy.  Do you want me to find a different envelope though?”

Jimmy was so happy he practically vibrated.  “You betcha!”

 

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Consequences (an acrostic poem)

Crisp hundred dollar bill was slipped inside the card

Okay, maybe that wasn’t enough.  A second one went in

Now that should buy some mercy or at least forgiveness

She couldn’t want that much more from him

Everything had gone according to plan

Quaint superstitions and taboos were maintained

Under his watchful eye

Everything had gone perfectly

Now he realized that perfect had been from his perspective

Couldn’t have anticipated she would have so much trouble with it

Everyone is a bit weird.  People were messy, and she was people

Still, two hundred should buy his way out, right?

 

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