There are times when a boy and a girl love each other.
Hey Dad, you don’t need to go there.
Every dad has to. It’s an oath we give at the hospital before taking you home.
They were lying to you, Dad. I’m all set.
And how would you know you are all set?
Look, do you want me to tell you what I know?
Kill me now!
Flames leapt from the cylinder illuminating the darkness
Leaving Charlene blinded as she stood still among the dancing white flakes
All she could think about in that moment was the story of the little match girl
Realizing that she was going to reprise the main lead role unless there was a Christmas miracle
Every year after, Charlene would leave out a hot toddy and peanut butter cookies because… well they were his favorite
Putting her hands somewhere was always a chore
Obviously, she could just leave them at her sides. That would be normal
Carry a purse to bring small change and a set of keys. You know the usual
Keep some spare currency tucked away with the girls Happens all the time.
Everything is done to preserve that everyday hourglass silhouette.
Too bad she was more of a digital watch girl.
So that’s why she wore jeans today since they have…
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“She’s the girl of my dreams.”
“You must be daft! This is the girl who threw away your baseball card collection.”
“Yeah, she did do that.”
“And she was the one who made you get rid of your dog because she didn’t want the fur on her white carpet.”
“True. She did do that.”
“She had to buy her Corvette which is why you that P.O.S. out in the parking lot.”
“P.O.S.?”
“Piece of”
“Ah, got it. Yeah. She does love that car.”
“And she stabbed you in the back by sleeping with your boss. How can she be the girl of your dreams?”
“Oh, I meant nightmares.”
“Now that I can understand. So tell me, why are you still with her?”
“I may have found the worst possible relationship, but that makes everything else seem so much better. I can look at dropping out of college, working this crappy job, and realizing I’m not going to accomplish any of my childhood dreams and feel some sort of contentment. It’s like I’m telling karma to go fuck off because I got this, so just hold my beer.”
“So let me see if I understand. The sex is that good?”
“Yes.”
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The new girl was the bomb when it came to running the office
Everyone realized that she was a keeper from day one
Management asked the placement agency to make her permanent
People at the agency were confused. They hadn’t sent anybody over.
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Winking at the new cute girl
Instead of screaming and hitting me, she smiles
Now what do I do next?
Being there when you came into this world
I remember thinking how tiny you were
Red and screaming about being rudely ripped from your motherly home
The planet has come full circle around our star
Here I am encircled around your little finger
Day after day I watch your amazing metamorphosis
As you grow up so very fast
Yet you will always be my baby girl
Tony looked at the girl standing in front of him. She was all hard angles, not a curve in sight, except for the nose. Even her short hair was cut at severe hard angles. The most severe things were her eyes, which right now were locked on Tony’s. Tony couldn’t help but feel the ferocity emanating from this young lady.
“Look, I’m sorry that I thought you were a boy,” Tony said trying to play it off. “You could think of that as a compliment.”
“What if I called you a girl?” she asked, her hands taking up offensive positions at her hips. “Would you like that compliment?”
Tony began to laugh, but then thought better of it, but it was too late. He could tell those first chuckles cemented him as public enemy number one in her eyes.
“Hey, I wasn’t trying to be insulting,” Tony said. “It’s just that you don’t look like a…” Tony paused as his brain ran out words that it thought were safe to say.
“Is that all a girl is to you? Is it just a look?” she asked. The girl put the dreaded air quote with that last question.
Tony realized there was no winning this situation. “Look, if you can’t take a joke just leave,” he said.
The girl took two steps forward and kicked him in the crotch. Tony‘s privates screamed surrender and his knees agreed and folded, taking Tony to the ground with them.
The girl took one step back and smiled defiantly. “How’s that for a girl?” she asked. Tony had no immediate rebuttal since all his thoughts were being delayed by the train wreck that had happened in his nether region. The girl took his quiet moaning as a sign of victory, and she strutted away in triumph.
When Tony could finally think again he watched all those angles walk away and thought, “Well, she doesn’t kick like a girl.”
Bethany sat down in front of the mirror, her implements of battle arrayed in front of her. She unsheathed her first weapon then pursed her lips. The bright ruby red lip gloss shimmered in the morning light. Next a pretty purple sparkly eye shadow was applied a little below the eye and rich thick color above. She applied mascara next, each eyelash painstakingly teased to at least twice its thickness. Lastly, Bethany applied blush to her cheeks, gaining a very healthy glow. She looked so pretty!
Her mom came into the bathroom, saw her six year old, and cried, “Bethany!”
“To the max, and beyond!” I know that’s not right, but the five year old I swing my pillow at doesn’t seem to notice. She attacks me with a two handed over the head pillow chop, threatening me to split me in two. And by splitting me in two I mean from deep revitalizing belly laughter. I collapse to the ground, taking her down with me, both of us gasping for air between the laughs and tears. This is just what we needed since her mother wasn’t coming home again. At least this was one battle we both could win.
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