Holy (an acrostic poem)

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He wanted to be a pious sort of dude

Only he didn’t feel like he was good at it

Living life as best as he could by respecting others

Yearning that they would just do the same

Fruit (an acrostic poem)

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Focus on the holy tomato

Rejoice in its versatility

Understand where it sits among the pantheon

It makes up more the 50% of the condiment

Therefore salsa is a type of blessed savory marmalade

Collar (an acrostic poem)

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Can’t stand having something around my neck

Only I don’t get much choice in this gig

Living for the church was not going to be my style

Living dead come into the equation

And I had to sign up, so now I’m a holy man

Relax baby, I only baptize with a shotgun and cross with my saber

Crawl (an acrostic poem)

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Can’t believe that gross internet myth

Really?  You’ll eat a dozen spiders as you sleep over your lifetime?

And to disprove this point I set up a video camera to record me sleeping

Watching the video, and we can see here that…wait, four, five, what the!!!!!!

Love of all that is holy!  I’m going to be…