Clique (an acrostic poem)

Count me as one of the choir nerds

Looking on with envy at the cool kids over there

It kind of wants to make me gag

Questioning why it couldn’t be me

Until some orchestra kid tries to sit at our table

Even us choir nerds have standards

 

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Remote (an acrostic poem)

Reaching out without touching

Enabling change without moving

More inventions using voice were created

Only they paled at the ability to point and click

The universe of television opened up

Even when you didn’t have kids to change the channel

 

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Stubbed (a 150 word story)

Jeremy felt a sharp stabbing pain in his big toe.  “What the hell!” he exclaimed under his breath.  That might have hurt, but his dad mode was turned up to eleven since he had finally gotten the kids to bed.  They needed so much coddling and consoling to get them there.  He knew he didn’t want to go through that again if he could help it.

He looked down to see what he had jammed his toe into and there was the stainless steel dog bowl.

“Damn it all.  I thought I told the kids to pick that up.”

Then the realization hit him.  He slumped to the floor next to the bowl and tears threatened to flow.  He took out the Milk-Bones box from the cupboard next to him.  He grabbed one out and looked at it.  The tears were flowing freely, and he now allowed himself to grieve.

 

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Uplifted (an acrostic poem)

Under all the stress that life was throwing Nancy

Perhaps the hardest was being away from her kids

Larry was across the country, and Jane was so busy with three kids of her own

If that wasn’t enough, she was looking at a pink slip sooner or later

Financial troubles were swamping the accounting firm she worked for

That would be enough to make a lot of people to just give up

Every day though, Nancy was thankful for a chance to do good for those around her

Determined to make the world a better place than it would have been without her

 

Image: http://www.namisantaclara.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/09/helping-hand.jpg

Stability (an acrostic poem)

Sarah checked her watch for the fifth time

Tom was now officially late and in her doghouse

All she asked of him was to take an interest in the kids

Be on time

Insofar as she could tell

Leaving the kids with him was a crap shoot

If he didn’t show up soon she would call the police

That’s how pissed off she was

Yet she did chuckle when he showed up dressed as Santa

Top Ten Superhero Powers for Parents

I always have wanted to be a superhero.  I’ve always wanted to be a super parent.  Is in honor of New York City Comicon, I bring you the top ten superpowers every parent wishes they had, or if they have them, gloats mercilessly at every party they go to.  To those parents I have just one thing to say, I double dipped in the punch bowl.  So without further ado, here is my top ten super powers every parent wishes they had.

 

10)  Teleportation – My kids are too young for this to really factor in, but I talk to other parents and they would give their, and their kid’s, eyeteeth to be able to transport kids to and from various events, sports, and the dreaded dates without breaking out their pimped out minivan.  Me, I would use it to kill my one and a half hour commute one way to work.  Oh, and I do not live in Los Angeles.  Yeah, you read that right.  Oh, and then when my kids were old enough I could teleport the boyfriends to Alaska and my girls to a convent.  Just don’t tell my girls that.

9) Cleaning dervish – My house looks like 2.4 million people live here.  Okay, four girls and two parents, but that must add up to 2.4 million.  The cleaning dervish power would allow me to keep my house so clean that Martha Stewart would bring people over for dinner parties ON MY FLOOR!  That’s right, tables and chairs would not be needed for a black tie affair because my floor would be more than adequate.

8) Demon banisher – I dread that middle of the night wakeup from my girls about the bad dream they had.  Getting them calmed down and back to sleep is my duty, but I am human.  I think about the job I need to get to on time in the morning and wonder what it would take to get them back to sleep as soon as possible.  If I had this super power it would be with a snap of my fingers.  Then we both could go back to dream of pink ponies flying airplanes through strawberry milkshakes.  What you say you never have dreams like that?  I feel so sorry for you.

7) 360 degree vision – We all want to have eyes in the back of our head.  Some people seem to actually do so.  Are they aliens or superheroes?  This should be a competition in the Olympics or something.  Have little ones try to take cookies from the cookie jar, and the mom who could detect this from farthest away would get the gold.  That, and a free examination from that guy on the Discovery Channel with the crazy hair that loves his aliens.

6) Healer – No parent wants to see their child hurt, and we all pretend to kiss the booboo away.  Wouldn’t it be awesome if it really worked?  I would give a lot for this power.  I would then volunteer to be Gwyneth Paltrow’s personal healer.  It would be a job, but a job I could get behind, after my jaw was reset after my wife was done.

5) Cloning – How many more of me would it take to make sure everything gets done each day.  I can guarantee you more than one.  I have a feeling it would be more than two.  If you asked me my honest guess it would be 17.6 clones, but I would round up to 18 since 0.6 clones would be yucky.

4) Commanding voice – I have this every once in a while, but if I had it all the time… Of course I wouldn’t have to work or earn a living and I would be a horrible human being.  That being said, there is not a single parent that would give for this power at one time or another, or every day.  I would give a lot just to be able to get what I ordered when I go through drive thru.  I mean, seriously, how hard is it to get my order right?  I did it twenty five years ago.  I mean fifteen years ago.  Okay, I wish on that last one.  Man I’m getting old.

3) Sleep inducer – This is one I really need to work on.  My wife and I are night owls.  Unfortunately we have passed this down to our children.  If anyone knows how to claim this super power without the use of alcohol please let me know.  Of course that would mean I was able to get my own stuff done, so this power without the cloning might not be as handy.  Then again…

2) Produce food from thin air – It amazes me when I am able to pull this off.  I have four children vying for my attention, not to mention my wife, but still everyday food appears on the table at some time in the evening, and most of the time it is not coming out of paper bags.  I love to cook, but if I could just wave my arms and have nutritious, delicious food appear, my days would be so much easier.  Oh, and with the way food prices are going, I would be a lot richer.

1) Love fountain – Needs no explanation.  This is the one superpower that almost every parent has, and one that is the most important in raising children.

Does your top ten differ?  Let me know in the comments below.  I dare you.  :>)

Oh, and be super for your children!

In Search of Immortality

As a writer, the stories are inside and you have to coax them out.  There are times when it is hard, they want to stay private.  Other times they explode, tearing parts of you apart while you give them life.  No matter what, the desire to watch them live and grow is just like that of a parent.  The great thing about kids is they eventually live and grow on their own.  No matter what you do, short of barbarism, to stop them from becoming their own function humans.  Your story is never that way until you hand it to another being.  Then and only then do your stories take an identity all their own.  They live away from you and in the reader’s mind.  As such they move out and grow in a different way.  If others take your stories and talk about them with friends, well they multiply again and continue with new lives.  The great stories will never die, be them Hamlet, One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, or Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone.  They will live and multiply through reading and discussions until the end of humanity.  What writer would not want to know that their stories will live forever?  Isn’t that the most we as parents can hope for, to touch on the human conscious and give our children immortality?

The Dreaded Walmart Question

I took my kids to Walmart the other day.  As we walked back and forth along the aisles I observed a new behavior not seen out of my children before.  It sent chills down my spine.  My daughters were insisting on putting things back where they belonged on the shelves.  This amazed me, especially coming from the redhead who NEVER wants to pick up.  After about the fifth time of ‘Daddy, can we put X back’ I had to ask if they were feeling okay.

My oldest responded, “Why did you ask that?”

I told her that they didn’t want to pick up at home, so why start in a place where the people were actually paid to do so.  We then discussed what was different about being at Walmart and being at home.  Since my oldest is still only eight I did not get constructive answers from them.  It did make me wonder what I could do to help foster this behavior.  I came up with the most obvious choice, one that will be painful to transition to, but should solve the whole pick up problem.  I am officially requesting that Walmart open a small location here in my house.  It doesn’t have to be staffed since my kids will help stock the shelves.  I know, you are thinking how brilliant this parenting spin is, and I can only agree.  Next on my list, getting them doing lawn work by opening a small “flower shop”.  I just hope Walmart doesn’t mind the competition on its front doorstep.

Sandman’s Dilemma

My kids tell me they cannot go to sleep.  When I ask them why, they tell me they do not know.  I look around, trying to figure out why, and I think I have figured out the reason.  I think that the Sandman is afraid of something in my house so he avoids us as much as possible.  The question is what is driving him away.  I originally wonder if the kids themselves have made him scared, but I can’t figure out how any of my angels could put that much fear in a mythical level being.  I move onto wondering about my snoring, but since I am not asleep as well that cannot be the case as well.  That leaves me one explanation.  What would cause fear to set a single step into my daughters’ rooms?  What could cause so much pain and suffering that the Sandman would rather take a hit to his mythical stature than do his duty in my house?  The answer is simple my friends, Legos.