“Don’t give me some lame excuse this time. Where is my money?”
“Oh, my excuse isn’t lame at all.”
“No? Then what is it?”
“All of my money was given to charity this afternoon.”
“That doesn’t sound like you. What charity was it?”
“Extreme Gamer Intervention. I bought all the Pokémon cards I could to stop them from doing so.”
“So I want to try it before I buy”
“As if! That’s not how this works, Honey.”
“Maybe not usually, but I want to make sure I like it before my purchase.”
“Please! Look. What is there not to like? I promise it will be mind-blowing.”
“Let me just try it for a short little bit. You know they say the customer’s always right.”
“Everyone’s a comedian. Instead of the job you asked for, why don’t you blow off!”
How high in the air was he right now?
Everything looked like it was so far away
It made him giggle with glee.
Gesturing he asked her, “Is this how you see everything?”
Her slap to his shoulder threw him off balance. “Why did you do that?”
That’s when she took her glasses off his face.
So a neutron goes into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?” The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”
If your boss tells you to have a nice day, does that mean you can go home?
Looking for a bitter and sweet drink? Try some Reali-tea.
Listen, singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it becomes a soap opera.
You know what, I was going to tell you a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.
The second time bell bottoms became a thing
Really made me like, well, gag me with a spoon
Eventually we were all flossed out dancing
Now instead of couples doing “Netflix and chill”
Dogs will be enjoying “barkitecture”
Nothing like the present to start something new
Of course you might fail
When that happens, learn from it and try something again. Never a better time than…
“Stuff like this yarn makes the entire universe.”
“That is total bull and you know it!”
“Really? And what makes you such an expert, do you do physics?”
“I know something much better than physics that tells me that’s a lie.”
“Never going to believe you, but why don’t you tell me.”
“Given that cats exist, and if the universe is made of yarn stuff, why haven’t cats unraveled everything?”
“So you know what, you may be on to something.”
There was that time when he was out prowling around
Impeccable coat, stripes so sharp they would slice through rival suitors
Giving the ladies a view of what an alpha male looked like
Everything changed when he met her. She stopped that predator dead in his tracks
Relaxing on her new pelt rug, she looked into his eyes. What a pussycat!
Love was definitely too strong of a word
It was kind of possibly closer to admiring or appreciating
Knowing they were all related he gave up and confessed his feelings to her
Everyone laughed when he said to her “I prefer you. A lot.”