Yawn (an acrostic conversation)

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You know you could go to bed earlier?”

And do what?  Sleep?  I don’t have the time.”

With how often you your mouth’s open and stretching? You’d have more time than you think”

Nah.  All that’s because you bore me.”

Nervous (an acrostic poem)

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Never sang in front of more than a couple dozen people before

Evert could feel his legs try to quiver with just the mere thought of the packed concert hall

Ready and waiting for him to come on stage and open his mouth to let those songs free

Vivian smiled warmly as she straitened his collar.  “You’ve got this.”

Oh, he got something all right.  Got to go to the bathroom that is.

Under the harsh bathroom light, he looked himself in the eye and thought..

So what was it going to be?  That’s when he threw up.

Dummy (an acrostic poem)

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Don’t tell me what to say

Unless you think you have your hand up my ass

My maker gave me a mouth, and I damn well will use it myself

Maybe you can make others turn their heads and move their arms to your whims

Yet you will never make me your wood-headed puppet, you ….

Farm (an acrostic poem)

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Finding your food on the ground usually is a bad thing

And would be frowned upon picking it up and popping it into your mouth

Radishes and watermelons were there for the taking though

Making this one place where there was way more than the ten-second rule.

Scrape (an acrostic poem)

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She scooped out the contents of her soon-to-be jack-o-lantern

Copious amounts of sticky wet goop went plop as it was deposited into the garbage

Releasing a scent that wasn’t as fowl as she had anticipated as the knife cleaned the sides

After a bit more grunt work, the task was finished

Putting her candle inside, the glow from the eyes and mouth gave the room a ghoulish glow

Emmet said he never used his head, so she was happy to use it for him

Crabby (an acrostic poem)

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Couldn’t care less what you think Miss Know It All!

Rarely does something come out of your mouth that’s worth a damn

And right now isn’t one of those moments

Being the refined person, such that I am, I won’t allow myself to stoop to your level

Because to do so would admit that you put me in a foul temper, but we both know that’s not the case

You just run along now and go to Hell, you hear?

Yawn (an acrostic poem)

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You open your mouth wide open

And nothing but air and odd noises escape

Whisking away a contagious bit of tiredness and projecting it into the world

Never ending as it spreads, until one day the whole universe falls asleep

Slice (an acrostic poem)

She held the knife in two hands like a samurai sword.

Looking at the watermelon, her sworn enemy, she bowed her head.

It was going to be a battle to the death, but she didn’t feel like dying tonight!

Cutting deftly, the watermelon never had a chance and soon it was bleeding chunks on her counter.

Extremely happy with herself, she popped a piece in her mouth and spit out the seeds.

Silly (an acrostic poem)

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So a neutron goes into a bar and asks, “How much for a beer?”  The bartender says, “For you, no charge.”

If your boss tells you to have a nice day, does that mean you can go home?

Looking for a bitter and sweet drink?  Try some Reali-tea.

Listen, singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth, then it becomes a soap opera.

You know what, I was going to tell you a time-traveling joke, but you didn’t like it.

Valentine’s Day Special (a 100 word story)

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Bob pruned his dying orchid while contemplating Valentine’s Day.  He hated the “holiday” with more passion than he felt about any relationship he had ever been in.  The only redeeming quality was the reduced-price chocolates the next day.  He popped one such morsel in his mouth as he moved to the next morbid plant, one given to him by his ex.  That’s when he had an epiphany!  He knew how to make Valentine’s Day special for everyone.  The following year he made ten thousand dollars selling dead flowers and bouquets to people who wanted that special something… for their ex.