Twitter Away, Far Away

Craig left his house, feeling the itch to travel, but not knowing exactly where he wanted to go.  It was a beautiful day for a drive though, so he put the top down on his Ford Mustang.   Craig had tried to find someone to go with him, but they were all too busy.

“Well,” Craig thought, “I’m going to have an adventure of a lifetime.”  He took a selfie of himself in his car and posted it on all his social media.  “That should make them jealous,” he said.

Before turning the key, Craig decided to check one last time if someone had changed their mind.   He opened his Twitter and saw someone had sent him a direct message.

“The end of your world is coming.” – AliensRUs555.

Craig didn’t know anyone with that username, but for some reason it still put a smile on Craig’s face.  He hit reply.   “When exactly will the end be?”  No reply was immediately forthcoming, so Craig closed his phone and began to drive.

After about twenty minutes of driving along country roads he was in the middle of nowhere when his phone pinged.  He glanced over and saw it was another Twitter notification.  He barely looked back to the road in time to see a cow walking into his lane.

Craig swerved the car, narrowly missing the cow, but he ended up in a ditch.  He tried to drive the car back out, but it was stuck.  He picked up his phone and opened it up.  There was another Twitter direct message.

“How did you like the cow?” – AliensRUs555

“What the hell?” asked Craig to no one in particular, unless you counted the cow, but nobody, especially the cow, responded.  “How did you know about the cow?” he typed and hit reply.

A second later he got a reply.

“The real question is how did we know about the cow before it happened?” – AliensRUs555

Goosebumps arose on Craig’s arms.  He began to look around, but there didn’t seem to be anything out of the ordinary.  “This is crazy,” he said.

Another ding emanated from his phone.  Craig fearfully lifted it up to read the next DM.

“Not crazy.  Enjoy the ride!” – AliensRUs555

A bright light shot down from above, blinding Craig.


Three days later the police found Craig’s empty car on the side of the road.  They checked his social media accounts and saw he was posting pictures from various spots around the world.  They closed the case and moved on.  No one actually saw Craig again.


Vehicular Foreplay

Bernadette glanced quickly at Joel and let lose a loud and vicious howl.  Even with such a quick glance she could see he was more than a little freaked out.  It could be because she had just told him she had always wanted to be a werewolf so when girls called her bitch she could say, ‘Yeah, so?’.  Or it could be because she was driving his Mustang at over one hundred ten miles per hour, at night with a full moon, with the lights off.  Of course since they lived in East Bumblefuck, Nebraska, the road went straight until you hit the Kansas border, and maybe even until the Mississippi River for all she knew.  Bernadette had barely been more than a hundred miles from her house.

“Do you think we should be going so fast?” asked Joel.  His voice cracked midway through the sentence as he tried to put a brave front on.

Bernadette loved that crack.  It was one of those things she loved about Joel.  That and this car, and the fact that by wearing her skirt just a bit above the knee allowed her driving privileges.  Pushing the envelope gave her a tingle down her spine.  Bernadette was so happy she punched the Mustang’s acceleration a bit more.  “This car was made to move like this.” she purred in tune with the engine.  She wished they had the windows down, allowing her black hair to race the incoming wind.

The car and Bernadette might have been made for this, but it pushed Joel over his limit.  “At least turn on the lights Bernadette.  I don’t want to have to wait six months to get out of the hospital before we get to make out,” he said.  This time there was no cracking.

“Just a bit more,” Bernadette said.  “I’m getting so turned on.”

Joel tried to reach across Bernadette for the headlight switch.  Bernadette let go of one hand from the steering wheel to push his hand down on her exposed knee.  This caused the car to swerve, but Bernadette smoothly squashed the mistake and brought it back.  “Feel that excitement?” she asked.

Joel didn’t respond.  Another quick glance showed Bernadette that he was focused on his hand on her knee.  She smiled and gave it a bit more gas.

Slowly she felt Joel’s hand drift up higher.    When he was about mid-thigh Bernadette slammed on the breaks, bringing the back end of the car around twice before ending in the opposite lane, pointing back in the direction they had been traveling.  It had the added advantage of flinging Joel’s hand back to himself.  She angrily turned on the headlights

“Jesus Bernadette,” Joel squeaked.  “What the hell did you do that for?”

“I’m not that kind of girl Joel White!” Bernadette said getting out of the car and slamming the door.  She crossed in front of the headlights, slowing to give him a good look of her short skirt, white blouse that was almost translucent in the bright light, giving hints of the lace underneath.  She paused at the passenger side door for Joel to open it.

“What are you doing now?” Joel asked.

Bernadette folded her arms.  “You are going to drive me home this instant.  You think I am some easy girl?  Now you’ll have to go home and stick it in some ice for all I care,” she said.

Joel looked at her dumbfounded.  Bernadette waited him out.  Finally Joel said, “I’m sorry.  It’s just I was getting excited too.”

Bernadette gleamed.  “Really, you mean it?” she asked.

Joel looked down at his hand that had moments ago had been halfway up her skirt.  “Yeah.  I’m sorry.  Really I’m-”

Bernadette kissed him, taking his apology away and thrusting hope back in with her tongue.  As she pulled slowly away Joel was left panting for air.

“So you want to see how long it takes for us to get to Kansas?” she asked.

“With you driving?  About fifteen minutes,” Joel said.

Bernadette clapped her hands and skipped around the car, back to the driver’s side.  She leaned in and smiled at Joel.  “Are you sure?” she asked.

Joel let loose a wolf howl that made the hairs on the back of Bernadette’s neck stand on end.  “Why the hell not?  We’re seventeen.  We’re supposed to make stupid mistakes,” he said.

Bernadette slid into the driver’s seat, not adjusting her skirt, leaving it where it had ridden up.  “Then it’s time for some fun,” she purred.

“Just leave the headlights on,” Joel pleaded.

Bernadette was about to say something, but Joel placed his hand on her bare knee and pushed down a bit.  She went with the motion and put the gas down hard and brought the car around in a one eighty and launched the Mustang onward.  “Anything you want, Joel, anything you want,” she said.

“Really?” he asked as his hand drifted upward once again.

Bernadette let off the gas letting him know he had gone high enough.  Once he stopped she punched it again.  “To a point Joel White, to a point,” she said.  “Kansas here we come.”