So much angst when he stepped onto the platform
Cold sweat dripped down his back as the numbers cycled
All of his hard work undone by pizza and wings on his birthday
Leaving him waiting for the bad news
Except when he compared the number to that of an NFL lineman, well then he was okay
Noting all the brand new stories from today that were arrayed in front of him, he liked the buffet of content
Except there just wasn’t anything spicy enough to be worth the headline.
What he needed was sizzle, but all he had in front of him was steak.
So he carved everything up to bite sized pieces so at least they had to come back for more.
Big explosions rocked those attending
Order turned into chaos as he announced the news
Owning the moment, he blew them up
Microphone dropped he just walked away
So you want to believe in “facts”
Perhaps I could interest you in some “news”
I can see that you doubt my sincerity
Not that I really care