The call came in at 3:27AM. George didn’t want to answer, but he was the hero on call. “Captain Lucifer speaking,” George said.
“Captain, we need your help,” said the voice on the other side of the call. “The Pink Brigade has stopped traffic on both sides of the East Scarborough bridge. We were told to keep our distance or they will blow it.”
George rubbed his forehead with his free hand. “Got it. Listen to them and stay back,” he said.
“I’ll be right there. Just get the webcam up.”
George cut the connection when the other person was trying to say thank you or some platitude like that. “I’m so sick of this gig,” he said to no one in particular. The person sleeping next to him started to stir. George leaned over and kissed her blond hair and gave her a quick grope. “Sorry about this, but let yourself out in the morning. I’ll probably still be giving interviews. I’ll have Harvey take you home. Make sure to get some breakfast on the way.”
The woman woke up groggily and turned towards George. “Really, that’s it?” she said.
“Baby, that’s what you signed up for banging the hottest hero this side of Gotham,” George said. “Just think about how lucky you were to sleep with the man about to save the world yet again.”
The woman sat up, exposing her naked torso. George let his eyes slide down with the cover. “You are such a pig!” said the woman, and she punched George’s arm. A slight sizzle accompanied the sound of flesh on flesh. “Damn, you burned me,” she said looking at the first degree burns on her knuckles.
“You play with the devil you’re sure to be burned,” said George. He waited for a slight smile at his pun, but the woman looked even more pissed. “I’ll call you when all this is done and maybe we can go for round two.” George brought back up his phone and looked at a live picture of the crime scene.
The woman picked up the lamp off the nightstand on her side of the bed and swung it at George, but he disappeared in a flash of flames and the scent of black powder. “Damn superheroes!” she screamed.
The woman pulled up her covers as Harvey came into the room. “Do you wish to spend the night, or would you rather leave now?” Harvey asked.
The woman looked at the singe marks on the sheets where George had been sitting just moments ago. “Does he always do crap like this?” she asked.
“I’m afraid so, ma’am. Hence his name, Captain Lucifer,” Harvey said.
The woman looked back at Harvey and felt the fight leave her. “Damn, and I thought… I think I’ll go home now.”
“Most do,” said Harvey. “I will get the car.”
Captain Lucifer appeared in a blast of flames, heat, and the scent of black powder. His blood red costume burned with a low flame and his hair danced in the hot air. The police parted as Detective Drake approached. “Hey Drake, why is the C team down here?” said Captain Lucifer.
“Funny guy Lucifer,” said Drake. “I was hoping Hippy Man was on call tonight. Oh well.”
Captain Lucifer and Drake shook hands and smiled. Captain Lucifer noticed Drake was wearing his fireproof glove. Drake smiled. “Prepare for the worst,” he said.
“You’re a funny man,” said Captain Lucifer. “So give me the details.”
“Already did. Doright and Smith are on this side of the bridge and the Pinky triplets are on the other side. I don’t know what they are playing, but I just knew that we couldn’t handle them,” Drake said.
“Okay, on it. Any hint of Bacon?” asked Captain Lucifer.
“Only with my eggs,” said Drake. Captain Lucifer shook his head. “Haven’t seen him. Want me to call in backup?”
Captain Lucifer turned up his heat and looked at the bridge. “No need, I’ve got this.” With that he disappeared in a flash of flames and black powder, just his shadow seemingly left behind .
“Good, because I already did. The real question is why take over a bridge,” said Drake to no one in particular. Drake turned to the police who were nearby. “Let’s move it people! This is about to get real!”
Captain Lucifer materialized in the middle of the span. He ducked down between a couple of the cars that had been stuck on the bridge when the Pink Brigade had closed it off. To his left he could see the triplets relaxing, fencing with a couple of streetlights. To the right he could see Doright and Smith pointing excitedly at the place he had been moments ago. Damn! They must have seen him shift. Good thing the wind was blowing out along the river below. They couldn’t smell where he had landed. Now if he could find Bacon he could come up with a plan.
The slam of a big fleshy fist rang Captain Lucifer’s bell. Damn, there’s Bacon! He managed to just miss the follow up fist as Captain Lucifer spun to face his attacker. Bacon was a monster of a man with a very piggy like nose. It was so ironic that the man’s real last name is Bacon.
Captain Lucifer threw a gout of flame into Bacon’s face as Captain Lucifer ducked low. Captain Lucifer threw his shoulder into Bacon’s ham hock legs, taking the big guy down backwards. Bacon’s head slammed against the tarmac with a loud hollow thump and Captain Lucifer could almost see the stars circling Bacon’s head.
Captain Lucifer gasped for breath and pushed himself off the ground just as a light pole smashed in the space he had previously occupied. “Damn, missed the flamer,” said one of the Pinky triplets. Captain Lucifer didn’t bother trying to figure out which one. He usually referred to them loosely as einy, meanie, and mineie. Lucifer spun his head around to get his bearings and shifted.
George hated going to Hell. He always felt guilty knowing he could leave, while those being eternally punished couldn’t. Of course they hadn’t made a deal with the devil. Who knew the Devil would have him trap a few innocents for the powers he used for the greater good. Oh, and to get hot women. Yeah can’t forget that one.
George noticed his personal assistant, Harvey, was back. “Did you take her home?” George asked.
“I will, or have done so,” said Harvey. “You know sir how bad I am with time.”
George chuckled at that. Hell had no watches. That’s what you get for being eternal. It also meant that Hell was at all time. Technically since George could travel through Hell he could go to any time he wanted. Heck, he could go to any probability out there. It was mind blowing, and that’s why George stayed in one time line, and in one time. He did like the way he could travel between points as long as he knew the lay of the land.
George grabbed a coffee from the pot. That pot never got cold here. The coffee sucked otherwise. “Did the big guy come by?” asked George.
“No sir, you still have free reign of Hell,” said Harvey. “Will you need my assistance now?”
George was Harvey’s ticket out of this Hell hole for short periods of time, so George knew Harvey had his back. At least he hoped so. Sure George had helped get Harvey sent here ten years ago, but that was water way under the bridge. Who knew it was so easy to get an angel to fall?
“If you can run a bit of cover on the west side of the bridge so I can finish off the triplets I should be fine,” George said. “Just remember, don’t let the news crews see you.” With that George shifted back to the bridge leaving just a hint of his shadow.
Harvey let a sneer bloom on his face. “Yes, SIR. I will provide quite the cover,” said Harvey to no one in particular just before he shifted.
Captain Lucifer appeared directly behind einie, or was it meanie, never mind, it didn’t matter because he dropped her like a sack of bricks with a double fisted blow to the back of her head.
The other two were still close to the spot he had shifted away from. He let loose a torrent of hellfire at the pair, setting both their hair on fire. They screamed in pain and dived into the waters below, but that sound was drowned out by the bridge shifting under all their feet.
A demon had risen between Captain Lucifer and Doright and Smith. Little known fact is a demon can alter its mass depending on its whim, borrowing it from the earth usually, but this time from the bridge itself. Of course that weekend the whole structure.
“Harvey!” shouted Captain Lucifer as he tried to shift, but of course with a demon this close and loose on the earth that was impossible. He charged the demon as a strange fog drifted in obscuring the anchor point of the bridge to the land. Well at least Harvey had sort of listened.
Smith ran forward, his body becoming more and more ashen as he approached the demon. Just as the demon screamed and threw a punch, Smith exploded. The bridge under the demon disappeared in sound and fury, dropping the demon to a well needed bath below. Smith reformed on the Captain Lucifer’s side of the blast and caught a right uppercut as Smith solidified. Smith was already spent from his explosion, so he collapsed nicely at Captain Lucifer’s feet.
Captain Lucifer didn’t get to celebrate his victory for long. A pair of thick, tarlike arms grabbed him around the torso and began to squeeze. Captain Lucifer tried to turn up his flames, but the arms just softened a bit and continued to constrict. Captain Lucifer tried to shift, but the demon residue was still too strong.
“This has been coming for a long time,” said Doright. “One less good guy in the phone books.”
The arms got tighter, but Captain Lucifer wasted a bit of precious breath to hopefully buy some time. “Why take over a bridge?” he asked.
“Why not?” replied Doright. “Oh and your boss wanted to see if we could give him your soul as a present.”
The grip became agonizing. That and knowing the Devil was now sending out goons to take him down. Well, he could get to that later. “Anytime now,” Captain Lucifer whispered to no one in particular.
“What did you say?” asked Doright right before Captain Lucifer’s Shadow loomed up. The Shadow flooded into Doright’s mouth, eyes, ears, nose and any other orifice available and ripped him apart from the inside out.
The gore got all over Captain Lucifer’s clothes. “Damn it all! Why did you have to go and do that?” Captain Lucifer asked.
“Well the detective did call me in as backup,” replied the Shadow. “And you do know that wasn’t nice what you did to that woman back at your penthouse.”
“Look why can’t you be like other consciences?” asked Captain Lucifer.
“Why can’t you be the hero you were destined to be?” replied the Shadow. “Anyhow, your adoring public awaits.” With that the Shadow settled back down at Captain Lucifer’s feet.
The fog lifted and a group of police officers slowly approached the bridge, with the press not far behind. “Destiny is a bitch who I slept with once. Wasn’t that good either,” said Captain Lucifer to no one in particular. And no one in particular decided to stay quiet.
Never Short On Words 