A Perfect Wedding Moment

Sven adjusted his collar.  You would think they could make a decent clerical collar that wouldn’t choke you the minute you became a little agitated.   This was the event that would validate his career choice.  How else would he be an official at Claire’s wedding?  It was hard to believe it had been seven years since Claire had helped him begin his path down this road.  Seven long years of working on their friendship, assuring her she had made the right decision.

Now it was seven short minutes till she arrived at the church.  Ken, her groom, was downstairs in Sven’s study, waiting to be led out to a full church, and a hopefully a bride that was ready to go through with it this time.  Sven was in the steeple, sitting on the railing as he was apt to do, watching for the limo bringing Claire.  That was a gift from Sven on Claire’s happy day.  He wanted to make sure she arrived to the event in splendor.  Four more minutes to wait.  Sven thought about the last seven years.  It took a lot of planning and mental fortitude to get where he was today.  Now all he had to do was let the last piece fall into place, and then his life would be complete.  He wondered if Ken and Claire would ever feel that same joy.  Sven knew that Ken was not Claire’s type.  Anyone could see that, but that wasn’t Ken’s problem now.  Today was a day he would etch in Claire’s mind forever.

The limo pulled up and Claire got out.  She was beautiful dressed in white.  It almost looked like she had a halo around her head, though that might be the tears running down Sven’s face.  “Claire!” Sven yelled.  Claire looked around, but couldn’t find Sven, so he yelled again.  “Up here,” he said.  She looked up and smiled.  Sven would remember that smile for the rest of his life.  She gave him a thumbs up and began walking to the chapel doors.  Sven called out one more time, “I love you!”  Claire looked up in confusion and dawning horror.  She was about to speak when Sven seized the words right out of her throat by jumping high and off the railing, falling to the ground at her feet, broken and dead.  His last thoughts were of her leaving him at the alter seven years ago and how payback is a bitch.

 

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This story was inspired by the following reddit prompt: A person at the top of his building, waiting 7 minutes to jump to his death.

 

Stubborn Driving

For this reddit prompt I was tasked to write a story that started with a ten word sentence and continued with a sentence one word less in consecutive ones.  The goal was to come up with something that would fit this structure.  How did I do?

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I am almost home, but I am so very sleepy.

I need to keep my eyes open to drive.

Windows down, twenty degree air in my face

Teeth chattering to the blaring radio’s beat

Still my eyes threaten to close.

The view changes between blinks

But I don’t stop

I’ll be fine.

I think

Crash!

Man Down!

I hurried to the next tree and peered around it carefully.  No sight of my query, so I moved on softly.  I knew the guy was nearby.  He had just shot one of my friends straight in the heart.  I never saw somebody fall so fast.  I tried to save my friend, but it was obviously too late, so I took off after shooter.  I tried to tackle the guy, but he flew past me in a blur.

My special ops training allowed me to track that bastard this far, but he seemed to have vanished.  I noticed a woman and a man in what seemed like a very emotional conversation a ways away from me.  The woman seemed to notice me and gave me a thumbs up signal.  I was confused why she signaled me, but then I realized the signal wasn’t for me.  I looked up in the branches of the tree.

There he was, bow drawn.  I grabbed him by the leg and threw him to the ground, the bow and arrow scattering into the underbrush.  The little guy tried to fly off again, but I grabbed him by the wings and pinned him to the earth.  A couple quick backslaps to the face took the fight right out of him.

“Why did you do that to my buddy?” I asked the bastard.

The guy looked like I asked the dumbest question on the planet.  “Because that’s my job?” he asked.

“Well you shot the wrong man, and for that you will have to pay the price,” I finished saying just as the woman who had signaled earlier did a flying tackle on my distracted behind.  I rolled off the little guy and he was off into the air like a shot.  I shook my fist at the little bugger as he flew out of sight.

I got back to my feet ready to give that woman a piece of my mind, but she was bawling, lying on the ground.   “What is wrong with you?” I asked.

“He was going to shoot my boyfriend.  Then we wouldn’t have broken up,” she said.

I couldn’t believe my ears.  “Are you crazy?” I asked.

She got up and looked at me with pure hatred.  “Who are you to judge me?” she asked.  She then turned and hobbled off.  I threw my hands up in the air.  “Get going you stupid idiot,” I said.  “I did you a favor.”

She flipped me off from behind as she continued to walk away.  I was so glad this fiasco was over.  I hoped to never see her sorry behind ever again.  That’s when I felt it.  That little bastard had picked up his kit and shot me.

As I watched the woman of my dreams walking out of my life, hating me forever, I didn’t know what to do.  I didn’t know what to say.  I just wanted to be loved.

Llama dilema

I was looking through reddit again and found this prompt.  You are Larry the Llama, who has spent his entire life in an enclosure owned by a sadistic farmer. Tonight the farmer got drunk and left the gate open.  I dropped the sadistic part and… well you can read on.  :>)

 

Larry the Llama ran back to his two brothers, Darryl and his other brother Darryl.  “Guys.  Guys!  The gate, it’s like open,” Larry said.

Darryl and other brother Darryl just kept eating grass.  Larry jumped up and down.  “We can leave.  We can run out there into the world and see everything,” Larry said.

Darryl looked up, but other brother Darryl kept eating.  “What places?” Larry repeated.  “Well I heard the farmer’s wife talk about this place called the village where they have coffee shops and grocery stores where they give you food.”

Darryl went back to eating, but other brother Darryl now looked at Larry.  “I don’t know what coffee is,” Larry said.  “I also don’t know what kind of food they have.  It might be better grass, or maybe fine hays from way over that horizon.  Imagine the possibilities.”

Both Darryls looked at Larry.  “Hey, there isn’t a wolf or mountain lion around every corner,” Larry said.  Darryl went back to eating, but other brother Darryl cocked his head.  “But that fence is there to keep us in, to oppress us.”

Both Darryls turned their back on Larry and kept eating grass.  Larry snorted.  “Fine, you guys be sheep.  I’m going to explore out there and live a life you guys wish you had the guts to do,” Larry said.

Larry ran to the gate.  He proudly and defiantly stepped out of the gate.  He stood there, basking in his glory before running back into the pen and closing the gate behind him.  Larry could hear the snorts of laughter behind him.  “Laugh all you want, but someone has to be the responsible one around here,” Larry said.  He turned around to challenge the Darryls, but even he had to start giggling as he watched them roll on the floor, laughing.

TMI

The reddit writing prompt was:  Write an online dating profile for someone that cannot lie and over shares about their life.  So enjoy, I think.  🙂

 

My name is Mark, and I am a body waxer.  I enjoy helping people become less hairy.  I have used the hair I have collected over the years to weave all sorts of textiles and even knitted a few sweaters out of it.  I used to be a masseuse, but something about my skin being too scaly forced me to switch professions.

I am six foot three and two hundred pounds.  I used to play college football, but sat on the bench for all four years, never playing a single play.  I tried out for mascot, but was beat out since I had problems with closed spaces.  That is why I walk everywhere, though I do own three vehicles, so if you want to go out we can take my school bus, tractor trailer, or Hummer limo.  You will need your class D license though since I prefer to sit in the big open space in back.

My ideal woman is breathing.  No really, the dead freak me out.  Also she has to really like candles.  I have so much wax left over, and let’s face it, it is better to reuse than to throw it away.  I saved so much money last year on electricity.  Otherwise I would like a woman who likes to spin or knit.

My other hobbies include mountain climbing and bear wrestling.    Okay, not really, but I was told women like the adventurous type.  I get most of my adventure grappling with hairy fat guys on my table, ripping off their chest hair.  Now let me tell you, when they scream, that is fun.  Of course that might be too much for you.  I won’t ask you to help till at least our third date.

I look forward to hearing from you.  I promise I’ll bring you a sweater when we meet!