I Smell Dead People

“I smell dead people,” Johnny said as he looked around the cemetery.

Anna hit Johnny in his arm, making him stumble and almost fall.  “Ow,” he said.  “What’s that for?”

Anna gave him the look.  “Dead people?” she asked.

Johnny leaned forward and gave Anna a fierce kiss.  “That’s why you wanted to come here, isn’t it?” Johnny asked.

Anna faked another punch, causing Johnny to jump back and trip over a headstone, landing flat on his back on the loose soil and grass, and knocking the breath from him.  As Johnny laid there trying to suck life giving oxygen back into his lungs, Anna looked back and forth not knowing what to do.  When Johnny was able to force his lungs to work again, he began to laugh.  Anna looked at him like he had completely lost it.  “What the hell is wrong with you?” Anna asked.

Johnny put his hands over his chest like he was posed in a casket.  “I keep falling for you over and over,” he said.

Anna looked down at Johnny with that look again before a smile broke out.  “You are so full of it,” she said.

Johnny tapped the grass next to him.  “You’re so far away,” he said.  “Get closer.”

“Here?” Anna said.  “You’ve got to be joking.”

Johnny propped himself on his side.  “You did want to go someplace where we can be alone,” he said.

“But in a cemetery?” Anna asked.

“Worried dead people might see something?” asked Johnny.  He paused before continuing.  “I know I’m dying to.”

Anna stamped her foot.  “Johnny Baker, you are impossible!” she said.

“Trust me Anna, right now I am quite possible,” Johnny said.  “Let me show you how.”

Anna looked around, hesitated, then gracefully sat on the ground next to Johnny.  “You bring me to the nicest places,” she said.

Johnny reached up and stroked Anna’s hair.  “Only the best for my girl,” he said.

“If this is your best then maybe I should give Rondo a chance,” Anna said with a smirk on her face.

Johnny pulled back.  “If I were you I wouldn’t want to be caught dead with him,” Johnny said.  “Then again, he’s so stiff maybe he’s already here.”  Johnny gestured to the cemetery around him.

Anna threatened to hit Johnny again.  “One more pun about the dead and I’m going home,” she said.

Johnny rolled back close to Anna and gave her an awkward hug from the position he was in.  “What ‘s got you so crazy?” asked Johnny.

“Cemeteries freak me out,” Anna said looking around her.  “I can’t not think some dead person is going to reach up and pull me in.”

“I’ll protect you,” Johnny said as he hugged her even closer.

“Awe, that’s sweet,” Anna said.  She kissed the top of his forehead.  “You’re right.  Going with Rondo is just a bad idea.”

“All this talking about Rondo is killing the mood,” said Johnny jokingly.

Anna sighed and pushed her way out of Johnny’s embrace.  “I told you I would go home and I meant it.”  With that Anna stood and began walking away.

Johnny got to his feet and ran to catch up.  “Wait, I’m sorry.  I don’t know what came over me,” he said.  Anna kept walking, not looking at Johnny at all.  “Please, just give me one more chance.  Maybe we could try somewhere else?”

Anna never broke stride.  “Maybe you should try someone else,” she said.


Two skeletons pushed their way up from nearby the gravestone that Johnny had tripped over.  “I thought they would never leave,” commented the one skeleton as he pulled out his hat from the loose soil.

“Why come to a cemetery to make out?” asked the second skeleton, dusting off her torn dress.

“That’s why we came up,” commented the male skeleton.

The female skeleton laughed.  “True, I’ve been dying to do this all day,” she said.

The male skeleton laughed.  “That’s what he said,” said the male skeleton.

The two skeletons fell into each other’s arms as the full moon blushed.

2 thoughts on “I Smell Dead People

  1. What a great story… The ending was unexpected… Humorous but dead on! 🙂

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